Got a letter from the state at the middle of May telling me I would no longer be covered under Medicaid because I am covered under Medicare. My psychiatrist,  and my therapist only accept Medicaid patients. So now I had to find a new doctor. I’ve been with my current psychiatrist for two years, and he is the reason I am stable.  I found a new psychiatrist,  and a new psychologist.  I see my new psychologist  tomorrow.  I’ve spoken with her twice , and she’s very friendly and open. I look forward to seeing her. I couldn’t get a read on my new psychiatrist because I spoke to him for less than a minute over the phone, then I had to call his office the following day to schedule an appointment with his assistant. I’m worried that he’ll want to change my medications, which if he does I’ll have to look for another psychiatrist  because you don’t fix  want ain’t broke. I’m stable for the first time in my life for the past nine months. I just don’t want to go through the hassle of trying to find another psychiatrist. Who knows, he could be brilliant,  and easy to get along with. I just need a psychiatrist who  will listen to me , and do what’s best for me. I want to stop taking Saphris because of my weight gain, and be put completely on Geodon and see if that works. I’ll know Wednesday what kind of psychiatrist he is, and whether I can work with him. I’m not as anxious about it as I was thanks to my friend. She listened patiently to my anxious worries, didn’t judge me, and encouraged me. She helped me be rational about it. If this doctor doesn’t work out I have enough refills that I can search for another doctor. I know it’s not really a big deal, except to me it is because this is my mental health, and I want to remain stable. On top of my worrying about his competency,  and his character I have to be at his office at 7:45 am. Which means I need to be up by six thirty to get ready. I’m going to have to take my nighttime meds early so I can wake up on time. Still have to register for classes, and get my transcripts sent, and get vaccinations. Plus I have to take a placement test. I’m trying to just take things slow and go one step at a time. It’s almost surreal that I am  applying for college. I never thought I’d go, but now that I’ve started the process it’s seems unreal. Am I really doing this? Is this going to work? I almost feel like someone will find out I don’t belong , and kick me out. I guess we’ll see what happens. It makes me anxious, but not as bad as I thought it would. I’m just taking things slow. Seems to be working. So, I have some anxiety about going back to school, but it’s mild. I have some anxiety about my new psychiatrist, but now it’s mild, where before I was panicking. My ocd is very mild. I check my schedule calendar about twenty times a day, and I get really involved in online forums, obsessing over posts. It’s better the last few days. Other than that my ocd is under control. My anxiety, and the mild depression I felt this last few weeks has been situational,  not completely irrational. Now that I am convinced of my plans in the event of my new psychiatrist not having a rapport with me I have a plan of action. I can’t wait till Wednesday afternoon when at least one of my concerns will be resolved.

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